Welcome 2015!

I rang in the New Year in bed…asleep.

By 9:30 pm.

I guess that’s not really “ringing in” the New Year, but for me it was significant and welcome.

I have not slept well for over 2 years. The truth is that I haven’t slept well for several years, but 2 years ago my lack of slumber reached stressful new heights. That was the year our oldest son was killed in a motorcycle accident. As much as I wanted to stay asleep and dream of happier times, I could not. Fear and anxiety gripped my soul.

Waking was emotionally painful and sleep brought no rest. The only relief I obtained was with the assistance of sleep aides, and even then my nights were not refreshing. I would wake tired and drained and in need of caffeine.

I don’t want to live like this. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children whom I deeply love. I want to be fully present and enjoy life with them…not drag around in a daze, gripped with fear and anxiety for the rest of my life.

This is no way to honor my son.

The Lord knows this. He has heard my prayers, seen my tears and knows my heart. He sees my deepest needs and He loves me. For this I am eternally grateful.

Each day since that tragedy has brought new opportunities to trust God and draw near to Him. To cry out to Him and lean on His capable shoulders. To rest in His loving and protective arms. I can not and will not live this life without Him, for without Him, I am lost…

But with Him I am being healed and restored. He eases my fears, He understands my weaknesses, knows my hopes, my desires and again– my deepest needs.

So last night’s sleep was, as I said– significant.

I closed out 2014 with a deep, restful sleep and welcomed 2015 with a rested and refreshed start to the New Year!

For this, I am grateful.

Blessings to you all and Happy New Year!

“The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
 He restores my soul…” 

Psalm 23:1-3a (click here for the full Psalm)

greenpastures

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